Brunette Stripped Bare

It’s probably not what you think. Although it is all the usual stuff, you know, being a team, loving each other eternally, not being able to imagine yourself without this person, this man who knows you so well and who you can see youself growing old with.

Marriage to me also means the end of a fantasy. I don’t think I could ever compromise this marriage by bringing someone else into it, yet it’s something I think about quite alot. I imagine that my husband would be ecstastic if I told him that I think about threesomes all the time, that when I think about it, I can orgasm in about 5 seconds flat. If I’m not thinking about threesomes with him and a woman, then I’m just thinking about being with a woman! Isn’t it every man’s dream?

I know that I should be able to tell him everything, after all he is the man who I have trusted everything to. I do trust him, it’s actually that I almost trust him too much. I believe he will want it too, even if it’s only because I want it (ha! who am I kidding…) and it sort of scares me. I’ve heard too many times of the jealously that can eat away at a relationship when a fantasy is lived out and doesn’t go according to plan. I just don’t want to risk ruining the marriage if it all turns to shit!

I feel sometimes that I should’ve gotten this feeling out of my system before I got married. But you can’t help who and when you fall in love, and I happened to fall in love before the opportunity had arisen. I wasn’t about to throw that all away for the sake of a sexual fantasy.

I’m hoping that this blog will help me to get down my thoughts, think about life, relationships, my sexuality in a clearer light. It feels so much better to just get that down in a post… I feel like I’ve been thinking about it for eight years! It doesn’t bring me any closer to finding a solution, but hopefully as time passes I will get some clarity.