Defining a Grown-Up
I often say that I don’t feel terribly grown-up.
I do grown-up things. I’m married. I’ve bought new cars. I’ve bought houses. I work full-time, get promoted, am given responsibility at work. I’ve gone on holidays to foreign countries, without supervision. I contemplate having children in the next couple of years, and so it goes on… all very grown-up activities, but still I sometimes feel like a child playing pretend.
Don’t get playing pretend confused with being unhappy. All of the things I do and participate in make me happy or content in some way. It just doesn’t seem real sometimes. I find it hard to put my finger on the feeling, find it hard to articulate exactly what causes me to feel that way. Because it’s so difficult, I don’t know whether the feeling will ever go away.
Am I crazy? Does anyone else feel this way? Maybe only being a parent will make that feeling go away. Or perhaps even then I’ll occasionally feel like I’m watching the scene from the sidelines as I change my own child’s nappy, almost like an out-of-body experience… whilst thinking to myself “Which crazy bastard gave her a child?! She’s still a kid inside herself!”
callith said,
January 31, 2008 at 10:10 pm
I feel the same. Do you sometimes get the feeling that you’re an imposter?
It’s easy to say you should just ignore that feeling. You might always feel like that…
As long as you’re not unhappy, I guess it’s fine to feel that way.
Great to “meet” you, btw! I can’t wait to read the rest of your blog.
Elle said,
February 1, 2008 at 6:54 am
I feel exactly the same way; it’s strange and hard to explain. I’m married too although the majority of the time I still feel like a child myself. I don’t want children yet partly because of this, because if I do, then I’ll HAVE to grow up!
I think it’s something we all experience at some point. Just put it down to being a 20-something! As callith said, as long as you’re not unhappy, it’s fine.
(By the way, I found you via 20something Bloggers. Love the blog!)
brunette said,
February 1, 2008 at 6:24 pm
callith - that’s exactly what it’s like! An imposter… like my life isn’t really mine or something? Again, it is difficult to really put my finger on anything specific. It’s just a ‘feeling’.
Elle - Exactly, on the children thing! Although, sometimes I wonder if I’d make a better parent if I feel like a child still sometimes. I want to be able to parent while I still remember how it felt to be one! Thanks for the good vibes on the blog btw, I’m loving 20-something Bloggers already, I’ve never been part of a ‘real’ blogging community before, and I’ve already found some great reads!
callith said,
February 4, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Yeah, I know. I get the same feeling sometimes.
And you’re spot on about wanting to have a child while you can still remember what it feels like to be one yourself.