Mood Killer
I keep getting evils from the husband as I giggle away at the new posts in my GoogleReader… he’s trying to watch a deep and meaningful movie on the other couch and I’m wheezing like Mutley.
Poor, long-suffering husband, eh?
My Part in Evil
I had a deep and meaningful with a girlfriend the other day who had recently broken up with her boyfriend of three years. She had initially said the breakup was because there was no romance, no lust, no passion – the relationship was more that of a couple of close friends than lovers. It had been since the beginning, so it’s not just that ‘lull’ that long-term relationships can find themselves in. Now that the relationship is done and dusted though, she is able to open up and admit that the real reason was because she was still holding a torch for an ex-boyfriend from seven years earlier! She’d maintained some contact with this ex-boyfriend over the years as friends via email and telephone, but hadn’t seen him for a number of years as they were living in different states. They often planned to catch up when the other was nearby, but circumstances meant they always had to cancel.
So, she recently admitted to me that the torch she was carrying for the ex-bf was the real reason behind the demise of her relationship. For the past three years, she’s done nothing but compare her boyfriend to the ex-bf (an internal dialogue, of course… she would never dream of telling him this). She felt so guilty about it that she emailed the ex at the beginning of the year, letting him know she could no longer trust herself to speak with him as it kept stirring up old feelings – it just wasn’t fair on her current boyfriend. She suspected he still has feelings for her too – it’s not usual that a guy will keep in touch with an ex-girlfriend unless there’s something still there, is there? She couldn’t stop thinking about him, but he has a long-term live-in girlfriend and he lives on the other side of our fair nation… what should she do?
This is where my part in Evil comes in. I encouraged her to send him a general email giving him an update on her life, asking about his and slipping in the fact that she is newly single. Keep it chatty, don’t pour your heart out. See what happens, get that dialogue going again and see where it leads.
She called me yesterday, overjoyed, because he has replied to the email and contacted her via telephone letting her know that he is still holding a torch for her too. I really believe it’s based on genuine emotion, because there’s no instant sexual gratification in it for him at the moment, considering he is living a 5 hour plane journey away. She was just happy to know how he feels, and has no idea what this means for both of them going forward. He still has a girlfriend, after all.
I am so happy for her, but it’s only now that I’m considering the impact my encouragement may have on a stranger on the other side of the country. It appears I may have been a little one-eyed in my desire for one of my closest friends to be happy. Should I be feeling guilty?
To procreate, or not to procreate…?
Men, look away. This is really a girly-only post…
So, over the last seven months I’d been waiting pretty patiently for a certain visitor to grace me with its presence. I came off the contraceptive Pill just after Christmas, and hadn’t had a period since. I’d been on the Pill for around 9 years so I was expecting to wait a couple of months for things to return to normal, but by the end of March I was still waiting so I headed off to the Doctor. She seemed bemused that I was complaining about not having a period… her exact words were “enjoy it while you can!”, confirming that these things can take awhile to swing back into action.
July rolls around… still nothing. My skin looks like a 14 year old nerd-boy (slight exaggeration, perhaps… but for someone who can count the number of break outs she’s had in the past 9 years on her fingers, it’s kinda traumatising!) I don’t want to be wasting my time at the Doctors this time around, so I lie through my teeth and tell her we want to begin ‘trying’ for a baby soon and the fact that I have no period makes it a little hard to work out my (currently non-existent) cycle, y’know? This little lie meant that I wasn’t brushed off and was sent off for some blood tests and an ultrasound of my ladyparts. The diagnosis is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
I have mixed feelings. I am relieved that there is a diagnosis, and with the diagnosis comes the treatment, in the form of a diabetic medication to reduce my Insulin Resistance. The treatment is improving things already, I have finally had a period after 7 months (who would’ve thought a clot could make a girl so happy!? … what? TMI?) and my skin is clearing up.
The diagnosis has implications though. PCOS does not necessarily equal infertility, but you can be reasonably certain that falling pregnant will not be an easy feat. Children were not something we were considering for a few years yet, we are both 25 and wanted to wait until our late-20’s.
Finding out that I have a fertility issue has made me think about having children more seriously. I desperately want to be a Mum one day, and the idea that it may not happen scares the shit out of me. I feel like I want to get started as soon as possible to give us the maximum chance of having children. It’s as though my ovaries are rotting away in my mind’s eye. At the same time, I don’t think my husband and I are quite there yet – financially or emotionally, and selfishly, I don’t think we’ve had enough childless adventures together.
I think I need to relax about this, because I know stress only makes the situation worse. I am such a control-freak though, this condition bothers me because it is completely out of my hands.
