To procreate, or not to procreate…?
Men, look away. This is really a girly-only post…
So, over the last seven months I’d been waiting pretty patiently for a certain visitor to grace me with its presence. I came off the contraceptive Pill just after Christmas, and hadn’t had a period since. I’d been on the Pill for around 9 years so I was expecting to wait a couple of months for things to return to normal, but by the end of March I was still waiting so I headed off to the Doctor. She seemed bemused that I was complaining about not having a period… her exact words were “enjoy it while you can!”, confirming that these things can take awhile to swing back into action.
July rolls around… still nothing. My skin looks like a 14 year old nerd-boy (slight exaggeration, perhaps… but for someone who can count the number of break outs she’s had in the past 9 years on her fingers, it’s kinda traumatising!) I don’t want to be wasting my time at the Doctors this time around, so I lie through my teeth and tell her we want to begin ‘trying’ for a baby soon and the fact that I have no period makes it a little hard to work out my (currently non-existent) cycle, y’know? This little lie meant that I wasn’t brushed off and was sent off for some blood tests and an ultrasound of my ladyparts. The diagnosis is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
I have mixed feelings. I am relieved that there is a diagnosis, and with the diagnosis comes the treatment, in the form of a diabetic medication to reduce my Insulin Resistance. The treatment is improving things already, I have finally had a period after 7 months (who would’ve thought a clot could make a girl so happy!? … what? TMI?) and my skin is clearing up.
The diagnosis has implications though. PCOS does not necessarily equal infertility, but you can be reasonably certain that falling pregnant will not be an easy feat. Children were not something we were considering for a few years yet, we are both 25 and wanted to wait until our late-20’s.
Finding out that I have a fertility issue has made me think about having children more seriously. I desperately want to be a Mum one day, and the idea that it may not happen scares the shit out of me. I feel like I want to get started as soon as possible to give us the maximum chance of having children. It’s as though my ovaries are rotting away in my mind’s eye. At the same time, I don’t think my husband and I are quite there yet – financially or emotionally, and selfishly, I don’t think we’ve had enough childless adventures together.
I think I need to relax about this, because I know stress only makes the situation worse. I am such a control-freak though, this condition bothers me because it is completely out of my hands.
