Noone thinks they are shit at their job.

How many times have you come home from work and whinged and whined about the complete imbeciles you have to deal with at work? How many other people you work with do the exact same thing with their loved ones at the end of the work day?? Including the person who you think is an imbecile?!

I sometimes send my brain around in circles thinking about this stuff. It’s like a chain of idiots. We all pass the buck down the chain, each thinking the next colleague is infinitely stupider than we, wondering why noone can do their job properly except me and possibly a couple of others lucky enough not to make it onto the black list. I wonder if the people who are truely crap realise that they are truely crap. I’m sure they go home even more frustrated than those who are not truely crap, because they are so awful they don’t have the ability to try and fix things for themselves. They would go around thinking they are the only smart one, and everyone else is crazy-stupid! What if I’m truely crap and don’t even know it?

I need a life. Seriously, I waste far too much time thinking in these circles.

In my late-teens and early-twenties I was the Queen of Flirt. Seriously. I would set my sights on a target, and before too long I’d be hooking in. Not a conventional beauty and tiny boobs to boot, I truly believe it was a talent… one that I have recently mourned the loss of. Still not sure just how I achieved some of the hook-ups I did.

Anyway, there are only three serious crushes in my lifetime that were not reciprocated at the time. Incidently, all three of these crushes have since admitted that they did fancy me, but the timing was just not right. Now I sleep at night.

Despite being married, I guess I sometimes think that one day, these crushes (two in particular… the third I really went off him) might actually come to fruition. Think might not be the right word.. maybe daydream, or fantasize? These are not really something I want to come true. Just something to add a little spice to the mundane life I currently lead. As much as I love the hubster and we are very happy together, the life we lead is just so incredibly NORMAL. To keep things interesting, I’ll admit I occasionally let my mind wander into something more resembling the Bold and Beautiful.

Something ruins these fantasies though. That thing… is children. Not my own.

So in my imagination, the scenarios vary. I am still married and therefore delightfully unattainable, therefore making me even more attractive and desirable to my former crushes, despite them also being in relationships. By some convenient coincidence, both of our relationships end at the same time and we are brought together by a twist of fate. Or, I am no longer married, deciding instead that yes, my true love was the guy I had a crush on when I was 16 years old and leave the hubster. I then barge back into their lives and they, of course, immediately leave their partner who was really a fill-in until I came to my senses and finally the timing was ‘right’ for both of us. We’re instantly sexually compatible and wonder how we lived without each other for all these years. Old partners are quickly forgotten.

This fantasy is MUCH harder when children are involved. They’re just such a permanent obstacle. Even in my daydreams, I can’t bring myself to be a homewrecker. All’s fair in love and war… except, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

I have been anti-Public Transport for some time now. Since I got my drivers license at 17 years of age, I had set foot on Public Transport only once, and on that one occasion I caught the foulest of phlegmy coughs from a sharing and caring individual who was sat behind me on the bus. I vowed never to use Public Transport ever again.

Recently I decided to give it another shot because I had a social event to go to after work where I might like to have a drink or two. Our state government had recently opened a brand new train line which stopped near my place. I wore a scarf, so should the requirement arise I could fashion some sort of medical mask out of my woollen wrap to avoid any communal germs. I was prepared for the worst. Noone was more shocked than I when I found that I fricken LOVED the train, and I have started catching it pretty regularly. It’s cutting my stress down, big time, as my quota of weekly road-rage is way down.

My nosey self also loves the people-watching element. The truth is, the majority of us are boring zombies on Public Transport, but you get the odd gem. The other day on the way home, there was a guy who was subtly sketching an older couple across the aisle from him. I was watching him, watching them - it was pretty fascinating. They had no idea he was watching them, I kept checking with them and they were definitely in their own planet. He worked quickly as he seemed to sense that their stop was approaching. As they stood up ready to leave the train, I was interested to see what he would do with the picture. As the doors opening, he quickly stood up, took a step toward them and thrust the picture in their direction. In the hustle of people leaving the train, the wife’s face was priceless as she showed her husband what the man had drawn. He remained on the train, so there was no opportunity for them to thank him, berate him or be freaked out by him before the doors closed and train moved on.

I’m still in two minds on this one… Creepy, or cute? Discuss.

Yeah, yeah… I know, posts on here have dried up again. Life takes over, then you lose momentum, and you can’t get back into it. I know I don’t have to explain what it’s like to you guys - you get it.

So, lately there have been NO changes to my daily existence, but I do feel like a shift is occurring inside my mind. It feels like, without sounding like an incredible cliche, that I’m coming into my own. It feels like I’m spending alot more time thinking what I want, what I need, in order to lead a fulfilling life. There’s been no significant turning point that I can identify, but I’ve begun thinking of doing things that I want to do and caring less about what people might think of me if I decide to do them.

I’ve always been told by others that I should be doing something creative. I just wasn’t feeling it, to be honest. I can string together a sentence coherently, but I knew my writing wasn’t anything particularly special. I can carry a tune, but not well enough to sing in front of an audience. I don’t write music either, never learnt an instrument. I like music well enough, but it’s not an addiction… so I didn’t feel music was the ‘way’ either. But photography is something that fascinates me. I love gorgeous photos, particularly of landscapes but also portraits, as long as I get some emotion out of it. I want to be able to do that myself.

So, I’ve bitten the bullet. Bought a Digital SLR, a couple of lenses then switched it on auto and had a go. Results were… ordinary. Better than my point-and-shoot digital camera but nothing amazing. I was kinda disappointed - I wanted this talent to just jump out at me and slap me in the face! I want to just be naturally good at something! My darling husband pointed out that noone becomes a professional at anything overnight… and jokingly said that I better be one after a fortnight, or he’s taking the camera back to the shop! Anyway, despite my initial disappointment, I have done a short course and learnt how to manipulative the camera’s Manual Mode in theory, now I just have to put it into practice. The photos are still pretty ordinary, but I am really having alot of fun and for once my attention span hasn’t fizzled. For once, I’ve found something I want to persevere with.

I find it hard to be impartial when I look at the photos - I really don’t know what looks good and what doesn’t because I’m too emotionally ‘in it’ to decide. So, although I don’t want this blog to become just about photos, I do want you guys to be my guinea pigs. And yes, I want BRUTAL honesty. You know I’ve asked for it before, and I mean it.

That’s me. I am completely ravenous, haven’t eaten since breakfast, it’s now 8pm.

I have food in the fridge I can cook. Delicious food, my favourite: Bacon.

I cannot bring myself to rise my arse off the chair, take it to the kitchen and cook the stuff. Even the thought of driving for takeaway is not appealing.

Laziness personified. See? I told you!

So, the hubster and I are about to begin building a home for the second time. The first time around we were newbies, we hadn’t lived out of home for very long, we were a little clueless. This time around, we know what we want, where we should spend the cashola and where we should cut-back and do things ourselves once the home is complete.

Last time, we told ourselves that we would get someone to install downlights (I have included an image for your viewing pleasure) for us once the home was complete. Building companies charge through the nose for this, I think because it’s a fiddley job and well, because they can. Anyway, we told ourselves with the first house we would do it when we moved in, then when it came to the crunch we didn’t. To expensive, too many other things to spend the money on. But I really love the look of them. So for this house, we decided we would go ahead and get the Builder to install. We can afford it this time around.

I also want this house to be more energy efficient. I’m not looking for a carbon neutral place straight away - baby steps, people. I just wanted a few bits and pieces, like a Solar Hot Water system and lights that are energy efficient. Do you know how difficult this is?! It seems builders are pretty slow on the whole ‘global warming’ thing and have done sweet fuck all to prepare themselves for questions from more environmentally-minded customers. Even Joe Schmoe ones like me. I’m no greenie - if I’m completely honest I’m probably more out to save myself a few bucks than cool the globe. More efficient = cheap to keep!

They directed us to use 12v halogen downlights (now, halogen = bad, mmmkay?) throughout the house. I’m asking them, “are these compatible with those fluroscent downlight globes?” - blank stares. So then we look at 240v downlights (only because I’m wondering… why does that one look different to the others?), “and what bulbs do these hold? Halogens or standard? Are they compatible with fluros?” - again, blank stares. I can get fluroscents for either, it turns out. But I’ve only worked this out myself once I’ve gotten home and done a tonne of research online. I just think it’s kind of disappointing. Builders have certain environmental standard they have to adhere to by law, but I do think they should be able to advise customers on further energy-saving selections for new homes if people are trying to do the right thing.

In the end, I think we’re going to go for 240v downlights, and then use CFL (compact fluroscent fluroscent) light globes in them. You can get a huge variety of CFL lights now for all sorts of fittings. They’re more expensive per bulb, but last around 10 times longer and use only 20% of the power. Cheaper in the long run. There’s also less to go wrong, because they require no transformers in the ceiling space (12v downlights require this to transfer the 240v power running through the home to a 12v level in the light itself). Although, it’s going to be fucking painful forking out over $600 for light bulbs for the first fit-out!

I’ve been sitting and stewing for a couple of days now about the recent Apology to the indigenous Australian population by the new Australian Government. Apologising for the past acts of removing Aboriginal children from their families. These children were then placed either in foster care with white families, or in missions. Many of these children were not in danger. They were simply born into the ‘wrong’ family, that was the opinion of the government of the time.

The apology isn’t the part that has gotten me stewing. It was the right thing to do. The reactions of some parts of non-Indigenous Australia has disgusted & disappointed me. I couldn’t put my feelings eloquently enough to do the subject justice. Luckily, Steph has written the best post of her blogging career and has said all I wanted to say.

Thank you, Steph. You’re a star!

There’s an advertisement that’s recently started playing on TV, promoting Melbourne. It is one of the most gorgeous advertisements I’ve ever seen! I love everything about it, the feel of it, the colours and hues, the music. It all works so well together.  It has such a romantic vibe, but it’s also a little bit Alice in Wonderland, without the crazy. I love, love, LOVE her outfit, too. I’ve only  had a mild interest in visiting Melbourne in the past, but now I am really eager to go and ‘Lose Myself’ there!

My relationship is pretty low-frills. Always has been, and with my husband, I suspect it always will be. Recent events have made me realise I’ve become suspicious of romantics.

In my last post I spoke about my friend who suspects her husband is cheating on her. He has not declared a full admission, but I think both of them know that something not quite above-board occurred, and both of them are attempting to move on. No tears, few arguments, let’s just gloss over this and carry on. Everything’s peachy!

Valentine’s Day recently passed us by. As is the usual theme in our seven-year relationship, we did not give gifts. In previous years, I sometimes gave a card or a letter to the hubster, which he promptly read and stuffed in a drawer somewhere. Didn’t bother this year. Looking around my workplace, it appears flashy displays of affection on V’Day is out of fashion. The new Receptionist had a couple of secret admirers (I’ve got to admit, she is cute), but nobody in a relationship got anything from their partners. Except one. Yep, the friend with the cheating husband. Irony, anyone? Big bunch of flowers sat right there on her desk. Just goes to show, it isn’t really the thought that counts, is it? If he was my husband, if he was lucky enough that I was still letting him hang around, I would still be making him pay. The flowers would’ve been straight in the fucking bin. Flowers are not the way to win back my trust. Keeping your dick in your pants (or mine… noone else’s!) is the way to go about it.

Similarly, I have the same distrust for men who come prepared with elaborate proposals of marriage. I seem to believe that men who have to try that hard to get the woman to say ‘yes’ must be trying to distract her from the reality of their personality or their relationship. Bombard her with helicopters, limousines & romance and she’ll feel too guilty to say no!

It’s actually something I’ve always loved about our relationship, the simplicity of it. It really doesn’t bother me that I don’t get showered with romance. As long as he tells me I’m cute, sexy, beautiful or hot on a regular basis and continues to be there for me whenever I need him, I can do without the romantic gestures!

A friend of mine (yes, a real friend, not just a hypothetical “friend”) has recently begun experiencing trouble in her very fresh marriage. Married for less than a year, she had already begun suspecting her husband was having an affair with a friend of theirs.  It’s more than a suspicion really.. the evidence she has gathered, whilst not completely conclusive, is pretty bloody strong. She has confronted both the husband and the friend, and whilst she hasn’t had a full-blown confession, neither is denying it as vehemently as she may have liked. This disturbs me!

I feel so, so sorry for her. She brushes it off, talks big… “I told him he is not allowed to associate with her at all unless it is in my company, or I will tell the right people and they will fuck him up!”. She’s angry, but I don’t think she’s hurting the way most would expect her to be hurting. I don’t think the hurt is about the possible ‘falling out of love’ part. It seems to be more about the injustice. The fact that he’s decided he’d prefer to spend time with this other woman over her. That he feels more attracted to, more drawn to this other woman than to my friend - because if he didn’t feel that way why would he risk his marriage for her? It seems to have bruised her ego more than it’s bruised her heart. She seems more angry at him for ruining the appearance of a good relationship rather than ruining their relationship.

I ask her how things are going, and she tells me that things are well. I don’t get the impression that they’ve sat down and had an honest conversation about the situation, even after the confrontations. As long as he promises not to see her anymore unless my friend’s in the room too, then she’s content with that. No long talks, no counselling, just threaten him with violence & pretend it never happened, go back to keeping up that appearance of a relationship.

I could possibly get over a cheating spouse, but not without alot of crying, discussion, forgiveness and probably moving to another time zone! How could someone go on with their relationship as if nothing suspicious had even entered their radar? I would be consumed by it.

D’ffrent stokes for d’ffrent folks, I guess. Baffling!